True happiness and confidence aren’t free gifts that comes with beauty or success. They are gifts rewarded from the ugliness and failures of your life and learning to embrace how they have made you a better person.
No, I did not take that quote from the internet or heard it from someone else. Surprisingly I made it up myself.
Over the past few weeks, I have been doing yoga. Don’t get me wrong, it is not a new hobby…it is something I have been doing for the past four years on and off. Most people think it is a pointless pretentious exercise where people sit cross legged holding their palms out as their index finger and thumb touch. Not to mention, the gentle exercises that any person can do. But for me, it’s much more personal.
I do this for more relaxation than to exercise. It relaxes you and allows you to think clearly and objectively, without your emotions butting in and distorting things. It makes you understand and accept things. For years I have felt like a big kid in a small kid’s playground. I never really understood the competitive and selfish attitudes of most people. “I have better clothes than you”, “I have a prettier girlfriend than yours”, “I have a better car than yours”…“my dad can beat up your dad”. Ok, no sane adult thinks the last one, but to be fair, it is exactly the same silly mentality.
But worse than that are the people who cannot be happy for another person’s success. Yes, we all have misfortunes in our lives. I mean, there were times in my life where I felt that I desperately needed something to be happy. But I never resorted to all consuming hate and spite that a lot of people suffer from as a result being emotionally and materialistically deprived of what they see as important.
It made me think of a conversation I had with Birmingham David last night. I told him about my Life Writing piece that I did for the module ‘Autobiographical writing’ and that I uploaded it on my Facebook notes. To my surprise, he told me that he had read it and said that it was very good. I then explained to him that it was the most painful piece I had ever done, because for years I have always felt the need to come across as though I have the perfect life, one free from emotional pain and insecurities. I must say, I felt it was very embarrassing to admit that I was the uncool kid at school that was always ridiculed. David assured me that I should never have felt like that in the first place, for it is the past that makes us who we are today.
I have to say, I agree. There is a difference between someone who lets the ridicule and humiliation poison them and another who uses the two to better themselves. I think it was because of my experiences that I was determined to try harder at secondary, for it was always the clever kids who were popular and well-regarded in primary school. I was also success driven, determined to become a fashion designer when I left school. I only changed courses because I was not enjoying designing and the atmosphere at a fashion environment was always snooty and high-maintenance. It just wasn’t for me. I am a happier person now. There is nothing wrong with my life at the moment and I am grateful for everything I have. No I don’t have an Aston Martin, my wardrobe isn’t filled with Burberry and Ben Sherman outfits and I don’t look like Halle Berry, living in an environment where one can enjoy what one has. But quite frankly, I don't need these things to be at peace.
These musings have made me think about stories. One of the major fantasy tropes is that the downtrodden protagonist goes through a few obstacles and gains the reward he or she is rightly entitled because of their suffering. For example, Harry Potter spends the first 12 years of his life being badly treated by the Durselys, who feel that if they treat him badly enough, they may quench the magic out of him and make him normal. But then discovers that he is as famous in the wizarding world and has a cool scar to prove how special he is. Now if he discovered those two facts when he was a child, would he have been as down to earth? Probably not, but then, I don’t agree that someone is born good or evil, as much as JK Rowling shows it in her novel.
It has made me think about my own novel. Even though it is very much about the protagonist’s emotional and psychological development during his journey, I have totally forgotten about how one’s down-trodden past is vital in making them the hero that they become. After all, self esteem isn't dependant on what we achieve, but how we achieve it..
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